I'm Sad

Monte says I should go ahead and post that I'm sad.

I'm not sure what to write and maybe writing this will help. I love to write, and when in the process, it's like I start writing things I never thought to write...I don't know if it's conscious or my subconscious, but differing thought processes just take off. And sometimes things crystallize. It's why I regularly journal. Though some may think it sounds wacko, but I often feel God's hands taking over my hands.

Today was my first day to breath, with no commitments - like needing to get coffee going for someone (no one else in this house knows how to make coffee)(and these days I'm drinking more loose black tea brewed in a tea pot). I don't need to make lunches for kids going skiing, which Dawson did with friends today, because they're doing things for themselves.

I woke with sadness. I've had some strange dreams for several nights (I don't remember them) that have left me in a void. We went to church tonight instead of tomorrow morning. It was the first service following a major decision made this week by the session and elders.

Our senior pastor Peter, of 15 years, has been let go. I don't know the actual church body numbers of people starting to complain of his sermon directions, but most of us I know really appreciate how he challenges us. But the Evangelical Presbytery (EPC) has been 'holding trial' with him for several months now, though the process probably began more than a year ago. And there's probably some other things most of us don't really know.

I'm just at a place of trust in the leadership, who do know more. Church tonight was a reminder of the body of Christ that's alive, and the value of community. This place for now is where we feel God wants us and is home.

Though there's pain and a feeling like a death, maybe it's more of the pain often involved in new birth. We want to see what God might want to do. We don't want to miss God in all this. We could be standing on holy ground. And like Peter starting to get out of the boat, I don't want to take my eyes off of Jesus!

Monte's Pollyanna perspective is that we ought to feel blessed having had so many years of great messages, drawing us closer to God. And too, Peter's message is so where the culture is, that God may be wanting him ministering elsewhere. With this being the week of Thanksgiving, I was so full of gratitude for God's leading of us, in seeing the world from His eyes and His heart. And that it's overflowed in desiring to be His mouth, feet and hands.